Wednesday, June 9, 2010

So, What's In The Bag?

I'm on my way home from work and walk past the same set of houses I always walk by, cross the same corners at all the same places, and this time this one was different. There was a cop in the middle of the intersection at one I had to cross. Now, here I am knowing I haven't done anything wrong, hell I didn't even have a drink before I started for home.

I get across the street, and see nothing but my shadow in the road in front of me. I was on the spotlight and they stop. I was then asked What's in the bag?

Ironically enough, I had a bag of trash in one hand and my knives across my back.

It's just my knives sir.

Oh. Are you a chef?

Yes. I work at Vapiano's at Mockingbird Station.

Oh. Cool. Well we just had to make sure, it looked almost like a gun case for a second.

We exchange our "be safe's" and say goodbye.

Now, thank god for the dam between my smart ass brain, and my tongue otherwise the conversation could have gone a totally different way. Now, granted I know he has to ask such questions, but when I'm walking home with a chef coat on, and tell you I have knives on my back? Of course I'm a chef.

Without the smart ass filter it could have gone as follows...

I'm actually an avid Jeffery Dahmer follower and walk around late at night with knives on my back to look for small woodland creatures and make them into dinner...well, sometimes I do. I'm trying to work my way up to stalking people on the bike trail and wearing their skin around for a day. Oh, the chef coat? It just helps further my facade.

Or...

Actually dude, I work at this place with a great new concept. The waiters dress like chefs, and the chefs dress like waiters in the back. That way, all the customers actually feel like they are getting their asses catered by a chef. The tips are amazing, and you wouldn't believe how gullible some girls are. If you know what I mean. Oh the knives? Yeah, I cut a lot of fruit garnishes at work.

Surely, I would never say things like that to someone carrying a gun and with my safety in mind, but sometimes you really want to. Much like when wearing a chef coat at a bar. "Oh, so what do you do?" I'm a bartender. I mean, really people? I know it's a means of small talk but fuck. Open your eyes.

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